My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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