i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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