I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
