Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
