i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
