I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
