I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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