I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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