i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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