so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
smell my finger.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
