My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
