thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
