Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
