my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
