Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My pussy is not your playground.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
