walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
