i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
