Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
