I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
