Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
