My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
