All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
