is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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