Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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