ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
