I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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