i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
