my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
