after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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