where am i from again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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