tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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