How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
