I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
