how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
