We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
