I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
