Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
