oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
