i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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