Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
