you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
