I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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