It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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