mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
