You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
