i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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