I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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