it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
