I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
