The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
