so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
